The Biggest Online Dating Red Flags

Well, you’re right in that a lot of people post a lot of photos. In a woman’s profile I would expect to see at least 3 photos: one of her face that’s clear, preferable from at least shoulders on up; one of her out and about whether with friends or not; and a third showing full body shot.

Everything else that I’m looking for is pretty much like what this guy describes:

http://blogs.davelozinski.com/datingandrelationships/what-im-looking-for-in-a-woman

He’s hit the nail on the head with his post. We’re not asking for much ladies.

That’s fine, as long as the guy looking meets those standards himself. Although for the height, the male equivalent would be more like over 6’ tall, maybe 6’2”.

Most of the guys I’ve known who whine about being unable to meet decent women have much higher standards than they themselves meet. They are 3’s seeking 8’s or better.

I am a 5’9” woman myself and love wearing heels. I’ve had more than one man indicate that he simply does not like having a woman taller than him, and it makes him feel bad. I was quite happy to date them (they were only an inch or two shorter at most) but they ultimately dumped me and found shorter girls. It’s hard for us tall girls, too. :(

As for profile pictures, it actually creeps me out if someone is putting a picture of their CHILDREN on a dating site. I mean, sure if it’s a happy family pic at Disney that’s alright. But I’ve seen some guys add lone pics of their kids, dogs, or trucks as pictures. That is always a red flag to me. I’m not dating these things, I want to date YOU. Once we get closer, then I can meet your kids, your dog, or your truck.

I TOTALLY agree with you.

First off: Many pics are “proof in advertising” and you only look as good TODAY as your worst pic, which often is the most recent one. Pics need to be dated, too.

YEAH: and I SURELY DON’T want to see kids or, be subordinated by them, dogs (OY….the dogs….that’s they’re TRUE love and those prominently display them are ALREADY INVOLVED in a “relationship”)....particularly, those little cockroach/centipede dogs….

Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE dogs and cats (especially, cats) but, IF you’re on a date site, LOSE the trees, the sunsets, canines, kiddies, mom and pop. It’s NOT a kennel, day care center or, National Geographic, for Chrissssakes!

I’ve read THOUSANDS of profiles and humor (which I’M a big fan of, anywhere) can distinguish, as SO MANY people post some of the blandest, generic garbage. Many, demand a “sense of humor” but, you can soon discover that many surely don’t have one, at all…

While some profiles are quite “telling” (too telling in some cases)...“different strokes for…..”....some you can generalize and some you can’t….

I am 5’4”.
I was surprised by the number of shorter women who only wanted taller guys.

It seemed like the requirement was 8-10 inches taller.

It surprised me to find someone my age, 5’2” looking for 5’10”.

I emailed a couple offering the fact that meeting me and standing around talking to me would be much better on their neck!

But I found my match, and we are fine.
Just takes patience.
Dab

Hey, let’s just change the men’s height to a woman’s weight. Guess what - I’m a big ugly woman, who just left a marriage when, after 23 years, I found out my “soul mate” was gay. (hmm… guess “bitter” fits in there too)
Yep, I’m sorry men, if you don’t like the fat. And the face is pretty bad too - oh boo hoo. I would never date you Scot, because you have nothing to offer me but a whiney “I’m just too short”. Well, I’m not going to whine back. I’m big, I’m ugly - but I love myself… which is something I’m sure you can’t say! And no, don’t get me wrong - I am not whining - I am the way God made me, and at one time I thought I had a soul mate - surprise!
Oh, and I don’t care if you’re 3ft - or even 7ft - Unlike most, I can look past the outside and can appreciate the inside. (Which means your grey matter better be what matters!!) Most can’t look past my outside and see the inside - but guess what? I don’t want you then! YOU are the one missing out - and Scott - you need to learn that attitude instead of whining about how terrible it is to be short! Well, it’s terrible to be fat - or too tall - or scarred - or ... It is actually only terrible if YOU let it be.
Sorry you can’t find someone - but I wouldn’t look at you twice because of your attitude - not your height! Of course as you seem pretty picky about a woman having to be beautiful - you wouldn’t look at me twice - but the difference is I DON’T CARE.
Give up - online dating seems to not be you’re answer!!! I never asked it the question!!!!
Jewely

Julie, you can be assured I won’t be calling you for any dates…that much is certain.  You have the NERVE to call *my* attitude into question?  Seems to me it is YOU who has launched the vicious attacks, and accusations of “whiney-ness.”  I have news for you, Julie.  I have not whined ONCE in a single comment I have made here.  If you have interpreted my remarks as whining, that is your problem.  I’m trying to conduct an informative, HONEST dialogue about the REAL characteristics and variables which affect the attraction process in both men and women; a process over which you have ZERO control, by the way.  I see what I see, I read what I read, and I can HONESTLY report that in men, height IS a measurable factor when it comes to attracting sexual attention initially.  I don’t deny that attitude plays a part in the process, but you and I BOTH know that comes at the later stages, once a potential date engages in conversation.  That is when attitudes become visible, NOT before.  So again, how about a little blunt honesty here?  For men, who are visual creatures, appearance AND weight DO matter!  Sorry, but that’s just how it is.  For women, height is a KEY physical trait that matters, and for good anthropological reasons.  Are there exceptions out there from time to time?  Of course!  But on the whole and on the average, these traits matter in terms of what IGNITES attraction in the opposite sex.  You can re-write those rules to make them more PC.  Ain’t gonna happen.  And once again, I 100% REJECT your assertions that I am “whining” while trying to explain my OBSERVATIONS.  I didn’t make this stuff up.  I reject them, and OBJECT to them.  I will accept your apology for such accusations, however.

Just because your experience has shown that women prefer taller guys doesn’t mean that’s a fact. It also doesn’t mean that you should give up or lower your standards. Do you really want to be with someone who would judge you based on appearance? Sure, there has to be physical attraction or the relationship won’t last. But no one should have to be a perfect 10. I don’t know anything about you other than height, but I can say I wouldn’t refuse to date you solely based on that. If you’re a nice guy and I find you attractive otherwise, height is irrelevant. We aren’t that rare. You just have to know where to find us

Logically, that’s true…I can’t argue that firsthand empirical evidence counts as universal proof.  But I have no other evidence to go on about the height issue as relates to attraction, unless I take someone’s word for it.  You’re also right the silly measurement scale people use.  I’ve never sought, or limited myself to only “fashion models.” It’s never been like that.  I have lost count of the number of women who in so many ways would have been great matches for me, and would have enjoyed being with me.  But they’ve always taken a pass in favor of some other guy, and yes, he’s always been the taller one.  So now I’ve also lost hope.

“Do they have a photo of themselves with another person cut out of it? That’s a huge red flag on so many levels.”

I agree—- but is rare to find a woman’s profile without one of those.

Ditto,I’m 42 which is baf enough but at 5’6 I might as well be invisible.
I have two very nice lady friends who I have known a long time and who have been in the same relationship since school and they really don’t believe me, they really think I’m lively and would have no trouble getting a date.
I showed them my response rate my profile, my pictures, and they really can’t believe the shit us smaller blokes have to deal with (or not as the cade is)

Yer I’m 5’6 42 year old male, I’ve been on 1 date in 15 years. Most women on match.com will only go out with men who are 10’ higher, so no chance.
Also this comparison with “smaller men = fat women” is not valid, last I checked height is no changeable, overweight is down to overeating and lazyness.
Before I’m shouted at, yes I was overweight 5 years ago at 15 stones, for the last 4 years I’ve been 10 stones, so this comparison is rubbish. In my experience women filter both categories, so yer I’ve given up, but when I’m out socialing and here fat women bang on about why men don’t like me for who I am, I just tut loudly in my head then zone out…

Scott, I am only 5’7” myself although I usually fudge and write 5’8”. Nobody ever challenged me on it. I have never had problems finding women. Some have been 5’6” and taller than me with 5 inch heals. If you are close in height there is a real easy solution. Elevated shoes can add anywhere from 2.5 to 3.5 inches onto your height and take care of the problem. I am also an actor and my resume says 5’8” to 5’10”...depending on the shoes.

Wow, this is an old thread but I had to respond.  OK, so couple things.  I’m 34, 5’8, Asian, and a single father.  I mean with the height, race, and parentage, everything should be stacked against me right?  All I can say is I decided to date again after a 3 year hiatus and joined Eharmony.  So far, in 2 months, I’ve had 5 women message me unsolicited (Only one of those women I found attractive) and dated two women so far, and have two other women I’ve been talking to on the phone.  Two Asian women that I’ve dated, one ethnic mixed Spanish woman in her mid 20’s and a beautiful Caucasian woman in her early thirties that I am talking to.  Statistically, I shouldn’t have any women contacting me but guess what, they are, even with my height and race in the mix.  Scott, I don’t know you or if you’re even going to be reading this but trust me, even if you’re not some tall Adonis, it can be done.

People who go on and on about their kids concern me. These aren’t adoption websites people are looking for partners. If you are 100% focused on your kids and can’t pay attention to significant other why be on a dating site? This is probably why marriage failed. Relationships take work. If you can’t multitask then focus on your kids until they turn 18!! Then date.

To the angry woman with kids. Dating a person with children…sorry but from experience I have come last. To be expected. Just admit it and date someone else with children.if I had kids, they would come first. If I met someone whose kids didn’t come first. I would be disgusted in them. I respect people with kids but chose not to date them because this is my conclusion from my experiences. It’s really not something to defend, there are plenty of single parents to date.      As a woman, I am short, 5’4, my height is and has never been an issue getting a date. I only post pictures of my face and I get tons of interests. I never discriminate over a man’s height. Attitude goes a very long way in a person. The only problem I have with online dating which everyone needs to be careful of is stalkers. Run background checks, get the first and last name of the person your meeting. Tell people where you are going. Give a friend their information. I chatted with a man online recently who I then declined a date with. He has accessed all my email accounts and taken over my dating site account. Be careful!

This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the foxes who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH.  And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male. One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to.  I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches.  She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men.  On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all.  Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.
This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection.  Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry.  I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality.  No.  The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height.  Not a one even bothered to put forth the effort to get to know me much less date me.
I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”.  (I am 5’8”)  And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence and a tie in with this blog.  No doubt all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s, for I certainly didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking.  These women were past their prime and worried.  I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years.  It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did.  When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife.  I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age.  Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them.  I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier would not have given me the time of day.  And even now, they may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them.  I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women.  Why go old, when I could go young?  I was amazed how the dating game changed in my favor.  And I used it to my advantage, just as women had done years earlier.
I am now married and have 4 sons.  I have 3 degrees, and I have co-authored 2 US patents.  I could have provided a good life to any girl.  I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance.  I was turned down consistently and without a second thought.  (Maybe due to the Alfa male fascination)  So, if you find yourself in your late 20’s or early 30’s with no prospect of a husband or children in the immediate future, you have no one to blame but yourself.  There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity.  (This also applies to average height women, too)  And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man (and Beta males) until it is too late.  You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males (and Beta males) in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate.  There are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones.  So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them.  I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship.  Throw away the yardstick, for you may find someone like me, who would love to share his life and love with a tall girl.

This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the women who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH.  And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male.
One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to.  I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches.  She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men.  On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all.  Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.
This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection.  Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry.  I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality.  No.  The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height.  Not a one even bothered to put forth the effort to get to know me much less date me. (I did date one girl for 3 years when I was in college, who was 5’8”.)
I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”.  (I am 5’8”)  And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence and a tie in with this blog.  No doubt, all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s, for I certainly didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking.  These women were past their prime and worried.  I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years.  It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did.  When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife.  I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age.  Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them.  I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier wouldn’t have given me the time of day.  And even now, may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them.  I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women.  Why go old, when I could go young?
I am now married and have 4 sons.  I have 3 degrees, and I have co-authored 2 US patents.  I could have provided a good life to any girl.  I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance.  I was turned down consistently and without a second thought.  SO, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN YOUR LATE 20’S OR EARLY 30’S WITH NO PROSPECT OF A HUSBAND OR CHILDREN, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.  There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity.  (This also applies to average height women, too)  And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man until it is too late.  You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate, for there are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones.  So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them.  I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship.

I laughed when you said to avoid profiles that disclose too much. In my opinion, some of those profiles are better than people saying the same thing everyone else is. However, I do agree there is such a thing as taking it too far. It is a tricky game, but I think the best profiles are the ones that disclose enough to make them stand out, but at the same time do not leave you with a bad impression.
https://getmemoredates.com/how-it-works.html

Interesting article: However I think listing your status as “separated” should be a dealbreaker. Even if one is separated, they are still MARRIED! Until the divorce is finalized, they shouldn’t be dating. Period. If a person is looking for a spouse, then why would you want to waste your time with someone else’s spouse? I don’t believe in adultery! It’s a sin.  As for pictures, it seems to me it’s the MEN over 50 who aren’t putting up their profile pictures yet they expect all the women to have pictures! However, the guy’s pictures regardless of age, I’ve seen some real doozies. Unless you’re Ted Nugent (and even if you are Ted Nugent) PLEASE do not post a safari or hunting picture with a dead animal where you can practically see the smoke coming out of the rifle. Nothing turns a person off faster than someone alluding to killing! Makes me wonder if I’m next! Also, men, when taking pictures:  Lose the sunglasses and hats. None of those cheesy shirtless in the bathroom selfie pics. Those are just as bad as the female “duckface” pictures. It should go without saying no d**k pics! Faces only!  No ‘long distance’ shots where you show up looking like an ant! No ‘nature shots.’ We want to see YOU, not the beach or a campground! Plain backgrounds are best.  No profile shots. It’s not a prison mugshot and if you are in prison, what are you doing on a dating website anyway? LOL Make sure you are the ONLY person in the picture (no kids, no animals dead or alive and NO other women, I don’t care if it is your mother…if it is, then definitely you’re not ready for adult dating lmbo). Make sure the lighting is good and that you’re looking directly at the camera! Lose the hat and sunglasses, please. Smiling is optional. Just don’t look like you’re perennially pissed off. If you have to err, err on the side of smiling. That is all.

If your prospective partner lives outside your country and refuses video chat via Skype, FaceTime or some other video service, she’s probably a scammer.

C’mon .. the Truth is that we all want that elusive ‘chemistry’ thing .. yet haven’t we All experienced that moment where we meet someone who while physically exactly what we desire, they characterstically display traits that turn us off completely .. this makes them not so attractive anymore .. lesson learned. But we keep trying to find that ‘perfect’ package .. if not at least 90% .
What makes someone attractive, after the first 15 minutes, is HOW they are .. confidence is a biggie, for many . I had bfs 6’6” (pro ball player) and yet married a man 1 inch taller than me (Im 5’9”). I will never forget this one guy who I met randomly, in person .. he was easily 2-3” shorter than me, but confident as anything and smart, gentlemanly .. his buddy asked me what I thought nd I was dating someone so said I was in a relationship, but I never forgot the impact that had on me ..
As far as ‘kids first’ ..? What parent doesn’t put their kids first, but putting them first means teaching by your example what a love relationship is .. and being a united front, together, in that dept.
With that said, I will tell you when I date, I am very private nd dont introduce my daughter, sometimes well over 6 months. Think about it, 6 months is not that long, and why would I subject her to a bunch of different men ..? If he’s the right one, he will be first in my primary relationship, never made to feel second, period. However, we would both hav that common value system where his, my children/family are of paramount importance over just about everything else in our lives. But its not a race.
This is how I see it and what works for me .
Best of luck .. and I hope your broken road is healed soon ..
~mommy